The Thrill of False Accomplishment

Photo by Arturo Rey on Unsplash

At 11:00 PM CDT on Thursday, October 19th, 2023, my pre-ordered digital copy of Playstation's newest first-party video game, Marvel's Spider-Man 2, activated. I played it for an hour and went to bed.

A few minutes before 1:00 AM CDT last night, Wednesday, October 25th, 2023, I finished the game with a 100% completion.

It took me approximately 23 hours playtime over four-ish days to accomplish this feat and the satisfaction I felt was exhilarating...

...for about ten seconds.

Then I had to pee...and I needed to get to bed because I had to get up in four hours.

But what's the point?

I have loved playing video games for most of my life, off-and-on (mostly on). Ever since I went on my first digital duck hunt on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) almost 40 years ago, gaming has been a constant in almost every period in my life.

I remember the first game I beat by myself without using a Game Genie - Super Mario World on the Super Nintendo (SNES).

I remember the first console I bought with my own money - Playstation (PS1) in 1997.

I remember my first RPG series (Dragon Warrior on the NES) and the first RPG I ever beat (Final Fantasy VII on the PS1).

I remember the first game I played online with other players - Everquest on PC.

I remember the first time I chose gaming over more important financial responsibilities - buying an XBox in 2003.

I remember being shamed into quitting gaming by my then-spouse in 2009.

I remember taking up mobile gaming in secret like a drug addict trying to hide his fixing from friends and family.

I remember the first time I looked at my bank account and saw how much I stupidly spent on mobile game microtransactions in one month and swearing off mobile gaming altogether after that. Damn you, Candy Crush Saga.

I remember taking up gaming again in 2019 - playing on XBox One - in an attempt to cope with what would eventually be diagnosed as depression.

I remember trying to make game streaming on Twitch a part of my life and ultimately making me both more exhausted and more resentful of almost every aspect of my life.

I remember the decision to stop streaming on Twitch and the great weight that disappeared from my heart with that decision.

I remember the many, many, MANY hours of gaming that was my only escape during the scariest months of the COVID lockdown.

All that to say this...

Gaming is important to me, but ultimately pretty hollow.

Anything I accomplish in playing video games is one-sided at best, but more often an entertaining waste of time...a false accomplishment. I know this and I accept this. I will continue gaming for as long as I'm physically and mentally capable of doing it - for relaxation, for entertainment, and for the thrills.

However, I AM going to try to be more conscious of this choice and its consequences in the future.

I AM going to try to maintain perspective and manage my time and money better in regards to gaming.

And in doing those two things, I AM going to try - TRY - to make those accomplishments feel less false.